Battlefield
by E-Everlasting
Summary: PostEp 4x01 Personal Effects.  Sam and Jules centric.  How will they cope after realizing "it's not gonna go away."
1. Chapter 1: Sam

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Flashpoint_ or the characters even though I totally and completely wish that I did. I'll just borrow them for a while and put them back when I am finished.

**A/N:** Hello everyone! I just started this story and I am not sure yet how many parts it will have. It really depends on how well my creative juices continue to flow. I hope everyone is as excited for the next new episode as I am! Happy reading!

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><p><strong>Chapter One: Sam<strong>

Some days were like walking onto a battlefield. One step, one miniscule moment and you could be confronted with the terrifying reality of artillery fire all around you, grenades getting thrown over your head and bombs going off.

For Sam, today had been one of those days. It had been taxing, emotionally and physically. He had relived some of the best and worst moments of his job at the SRU. He felt as though enemies had surrounded him, each lining up to take a shot at him, striking him where it hurt.

His interview with Toth had been an ambush. He had expected it to be hard, but nothing like what it turned out to be. He had walked into a trap. One from which there was no escaping. He had given his heart to that room and left it there on the table. It was almost like his chest had been cracked open and his heart was just out there for everyone to take notice of.

Sam contemplated all of his actions: from that first kiss down to the discreet glances her way after she had broken things off. He obviously still had feeling for her. He admitted it to himself, to Sarge and even Toth in that room minutes ago. He finally admitted it to someone other than himself. He knew though that there was nothing left. No pieces for him to hold onto. They were colleagues, dare he say even friends, but nothing more. She had made that evident to them.

He wished things were different as he replayed the earlier events in his mind.

_Starting to push harder, Toth seemingly provoked Sam, "Would you have continued the relationship secretly if you could?"_

_Sam sighed almost uncomfortably, not really wanting to reveal the truth to himself or anyone else. However, he couldn't afford to lie, not when they had him hooked up to the machine, probably already noticing how the mere mention of Jules' name made his heart race a little faster._

_He looked down in contemplation, finally uttering that ounce of truth he knew Toth had expected. "Yes."_

_Toth already had his by-the-book answer prepared, firing back at Sam with full force. "There's a reason that's against SRU policy. It puts your teammates in danger."_

_Sam was tired now, angry even, it showed in his voice when he replied quickly, "But it makes no difference because its over. We're colleagues now, that is it." It was almost as if there was desperation in his voice, like he wanted everyone to know he wished things were different. _

_Toth nodded, glancing down at the monitor to see the machine making piercing upward motions, revealing the strain his question put on Constable Sam Braddock._

Leaning up against the wall in the hallway, Sam now regretted the tone he had used. He regretted revealing too much. He thought it had made his seem week, desperate. "Too late now," he muttered to himself.

He could not fathom the kinds of questions Jules was fielding at this very moment. He felt for her, he did not want her to have the same experience he had with Dr. Toth. In his gut, though, he knew he would be wrong. Toth would drill Jules just as hard as he had with Sam; the questions similar but not exactly the same.

Sam should have guessed it would go something like this. He could have prepared himself. He had hidden his feeling inside and tried so hard not to let them seep out. He knew it was what Jules wanted him to do, because she was doing the same thing. However there had been moments when they had broken this unspoken agreement.

_Jules came into the truck, softly slamming the door in her wake. Sam was positioned next to Spike._

"_Spike I need to get the number for Maggie's parole officer Grant Levy," Jules rushed._

_Spike quickly responded, "Okay let me track him down for you." His eyes focused solely on the computer screen_

_Sam looked back to glance at Jules, who was hovering just above him where he sat. He took in her appearance and immediately sensed something out of place. "Everything alright?"_

_Jules peered down at him, her face tense. "Yeah. I just overstepped a little with the boss."_

"_Whatdya mean?" Sam fired back quickly._

_Jules kept her eyes on the computer Spike was typing away at. "He's harsh on the subject and I called him on it. _

_Sam looked back up at Jules, "Didn't go over well?"_

_Jules took a chance, glancing back down towards Sam who was looking at her expectantly. "Struck a nerve," she responded, her face giving away her frustration towards their Sarge. She tightened her lips, shaking her head slightly. "Should've kept my mouth shut."_

_Sam smirked, letting out a small slight laugh. "Why start now?"_

_Jules didn't appreciate his attempt at humor and muttered "Thanks," turning back towards the computer screens._

_Sam continued his banter. "No it's good. I like that you speak your mind," while he turned his head back up to find Jules' eyes traveling down to meet his own baby blues._

_Jules faltered, staring into Sam's eyes. "Really?"_

_Their eyes held each others gaze. They were lost in their own world. The look that past between them held so much and yet both knew they could not do anything or say anything more. The stare was only broken by Spike's sudden interruption._

They had held so many moments like this one, Sam recalled. Her first day back after getting shot, looks of longing that couldn't be acted upon. He knew that he never wished for them to suddenly alter their relationship, turning from lovers back to colleagues. He had always wanted there to be something more between them.

He had thought before today that it could never happen, that they would never go back to the way that it was.

But this day, this day was like reopening a healed wound. Tearing a scar apart that had been sealed over with pain and regret.


	2. Chapter 2: Jules

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Flashpoint_ or the characters even though I totally and completely wish that I did. I'll just borrow them for a while and put them back when I am finished.

**A/N:** Sorry it took me awhile to post this second chapter, I had temporary writer's block. I will most likely continue, but I have not even started the next chapter so it may be a while, please bear with me. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm sorry it is a bit shorter than the last!

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: Jules<strong>

Jules' mind was spinning, ticking, moving so fast she could barely keep up. She had just endured her session with Toth, and it was worse than she had imagined it would be. She couldn't stop rewinding it over and over in her head. The images were ticking by one by one as if she was attached to a clock, a circular rhythm surrounded her. Jules did not know what would come out of these so-called evaluations, but they seemed of a harsher nature than she thought they would be. She knew the other members of Team One probably felt the same, but she had one particular person on her mind.

Why did Toth have to spend her entire interview dwelling on him? She had tried to push him out of her mind, and God knows she had struggled with not only that, but with pushing him out of her heart. She had forced her feelings so deep inside, that she had convinced herself she would never relive them. Of course there were those small moments that passed, when she could feel her gut telling her to look in Sam's direction. She often listened. It was all she could do to stop her heart from exploding. Jules knew Sam still had those feelings, but he respected their unspoken words, the words neither of them could trust themselves to speak.

Toth had reopened all her wounds, the deepest scars. She did not know how to feel anymore. Jules knew it wasn't going to go away, it would never go away.

As she rounded the corner, there he was, just leaning up against the wall staring into space. He had been waiting for her. A part of her knew this was going to happen. He always knew when she was feeling the most vulnerable, the most wounded. He was the one who was always there to give her a compliment, to help her pick up the pieces of her life. She did not even know where to begin with him today. A part of her was mad. Mad at Sam for getting into all of this in the first place. But she knew she could not pin it all on Sam; was it really his fault that she had given in to the feelings she'd had ever since she first laid eyes on him? She had wanted it too.

Another part of her was upset; all she wanted to do was break down. She couldn't. She had to stay strong in the face of all these emotions. She still had to continue her requalification, after all. Plus she did not want Sam to see her squirm, not much anyway. She continued walking slowly towards him as Sam breached the eery silence with his soft voice.

"How'd it go?" He softened as she looked at him, coming to stand opposite him in the hallway, casually leaning against the railing.

Jules could see his tense posture and unsteady voice. "Not good," she replied bring her eyes up to look at him square in the face.

Sam's soft blue eyes penetrated her stare as he looked back at her, the situation written all over his masculine features. He stated tersely, "Me either."

Jules licked her lips, trying to formulate her words carefully not wanting to let any more emotions out than she had to. "They gave me a hard time cause of you."

Sam sighed; it was obvious he had experienced a similar line of questioning, probably just as uncomfortable as it had been for Jules, if not more. "Yeah," he breathed out, looking to his left.

"They have us under a microscope just in case we treat each other any different," Jules told him, stating the obvious that was floating in between them.

As their eyes met once again Sam smirked, "What's it gonna take, a chaperone?" He turned and leaned up against the wall, tilting his head back and gazing straight ahead.

Jules copied his body language, sighing softly before she responded. Meaningfully she gave him, "That's the thing Sam its not gonna go away."

Sam nodded slightly in response, both of them now silent, seemingly lost in their own thoughts.

They both knew they had to get back to work. They could not linger too long together, because as Jules had mentioned they were under a microscope. Everyone would be watching. They had to be colleagues, that was it. However from what was said, they both knew this was not the case. They would always be more than just colleagues or just friends. They shared something; they were connected in a way that maybe no one around them would even come close to understanding. Experiencing so many traumatic things together, getting through them together? No one could understand how much that meant to both of them, most of all not some military psychologist out to break them and their team apart forever.


	3. Chapter 3: The Apartment

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Flashpoint_ or the characters even though I totally and completely wish that I did. I'll just borrow them for a while and put them back when I am finished.

**A/N:** My mojo left me for a while, but luckily I recovered from some serious blockage to bring you this chapter. I am not completely satisfied with the outcome, but there are parts I truly love. I will try to post the next part soon; I am hoping to bring this story through all of 'Personal Effects' (and maybe even further, but we'll see). This chapter has definite spoilers for Season 4, so be aware! Please review if you can, and thanks for reading.

Oh, and the paragraphs breaks somewhat show a change in point of view (really only somewhat, though).

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: The Apartment<strong>

She couldn't have imagined ending that day anywhere else. Jules seemed to know exactly why she was standing outside Sam's apartment at that very moment, hesitating slightly before she sounded four raps against the door of apartment 1008. Jules knew why she wanted to talk to him, to Sam. She needed him. She wanted him. With ever fiber of her being did she desire to be with him right now. Only he could put her racing mind at ease. They had basically just experienced the worst psych evals in the history of all psych evals, and right now she needed him.

Jules knew that she shouldn't cross this line again, she wanted to be here with all of her heart; but her mind was screaming at her that it was still wrong. She knew it was still against the rules, and now that the ropes were tightening around them, ranks closing, it was an even worse transgression than it had been the first time around. But, however much she tried to tell herself she should not want this, her heart knew she did. After the conversation the two had shared back at the barn, she knew this wasn't over. They both needed this today.

She waited anxiously after knocking, almost instantly hearing Sam murmur from inside, "Coming."

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><p>Sam was trying to forget that day had ever happened. He wanted to erase every uncomfortable moment, the awkward silences and the unnecessary questions. He was ready to just forget everything, start over, blank slate.<p>

He had retreated home after Holleran had released them. Entering his apartment, all he wanted was to relax, just take his mind off of all the events from that day. He threw his bag next to the door and plopped down in his favorite chair, picking up the closest magazine that was just lying around. As he relaxed further and further into the chair, he began to feel the pressure melting away. All those thoughts of what was and what could have been were slowly evaporating, releasing Sam from this stronghold.

Just as he was getting into an article about hockey, he heard someone knock on the door. After a pensive moment, Sam hollered, "Coming." Standing and plodding slowly towards the door, wondering all the while who it could be.

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><p>As Jules stood there, the door opened in front of her. There he was. Sam.<p>

He looked surprised to see her and the look that passed between the two of them said nothing and yet so many things. He just looked at her, and that was all it took. Jules was speechless. She had thought of what she wanted to say, all the feelings she had kept pent up, but one look into those dreamy baby blues and she was a goner.

Sam didn't utter a sound, he just looked at her, surprise written over his features, but he settled into knowing he should have expected her to come all along. He knew it would never be completely over between them. If these last 24 hours had taught him anything, it was that nothing was ever truly over, never complete.

These feelings passed between the two of them, as they stood for a moment, Jules looking up expectedly at Sam, almost willing him to refuse her entrance; but instead, Sam took a slight step back, letting her pass.

Jules never broke their gaze and she took two slow, deliberate steps into Sam's apartment. She finally looked away, stepping further past Sam.

Sam still stood rooted at the door, mindful of what was happening. Jules had come, for what true reason, he still didn't understand. Sam knew, however that something needed to be cleared up between them. Something had to be done before they spiraled out of control yet again. These pent up emotions, these feelings would never go away and if he had anything to say about it, he did not ever want them to.

He finally moved to shut the door softly in front of him, shifting his eyes back into his home, watching Jules turn and face him.

Blue eyes met brown and Sam took a deep sigh, moving slowly and deliberately closer to Jules as he began softly, "You were right."

Jules glanced down quickly as she noted Sam moving closer even still. "About what?" Her gaze traveled back to Sam's and she could just feel the energy pulsing between the two of them. This was the kind of energy, the kind of feeling she remembered having with Sam. She wanted all of him and yet more than she probably could handle. Emotions were running through her as fast as lightning and it was all she could do to not jump into his arms, so she stood steadily staring into his pools of blue.

Sam continued to move forward, further closing the gap between their two bodies. He could see a slight apprehension in her features, but he knew she wouldn't be here if she didn't agree. "It's not gonna go away," Sam replied. He moved closer still.

Sam could see Jules fighting her instincts, he knew this was still against the rules, but he just couldn't help but be a little reckless. These conversations he had shared with Jules in the last day had shaken him. And he knew for a fact she had been shaken by them too. They had both come to the realization that nothing had changed. Even though what they had previously shared had been so long ago, neither of them had rid themselves of their feelings. They had always existed there, each day getting pushed further and further away from the surface. Each of them had their own ways of dealing with the heartbreak: Jules had her snarky comments and Sam had his puppy dog stares.

Sam paused for a moment, remembering everything they had shared together, taking in everything about her standing in front of him at this very moment.

Jules did not respond, she waited patiently. Jules knew what was going to come of this if she didn't speak up right now, but she had absolutely no desire to halt anything coming her way. She was just as much a part of this as Sam and she definitely wasn't saying no.

"So," Sam breathed, taking another step forward.

Jules smiled slightly, also closing the gap, "So."

That simple word carried so much meaning, and with another forward movement by the pair, Sam captured Jules' lips with his.

The two kissed delicately at first as all their emotions from times past came rushing back to each of them in turn. Sam pressed on further deepening the kiss and the connection between himself and Jules; taking them into full on passion Sam turned Jules around as her hands went up to caress the back of Sam's neck. Sam took matters into his own hands then and lifted Jules' petite form, setting her down with a slight thump on the countertop. The two never ceased in their moment of passion, completely intertwined in one another. Their hands explored each other bodies as old memories returned. Sam moved his hands along Jules' thighs with a mastery of someone who knew her body, her features, every last one of them.

As their breathing became heavier, the two only pressed on, not caring that by now they were completely lost in one another, their past and present had collided with such force that they couldn't stop now. There was no turning back from this moment. They both knew that.

They were so lost in the feel of the other that they barely registered the click of Sam's apartment door opening.

Jules heard someone gasp. Whipping around, Jules gasped herself. Her hand fell to Sam's chest as he brought his hands to rest softly on her thighs. Sam stepped back quickly though, as a look of shock covered his features. Jules gently ran her hand down Sam's chest as he stepped away, almost not willing to let him go just yet.

"Oh, wow, um…" This blond, leggy stranger let out; surprise spread out over her delicate features.

Jules hurriedly pulled her cardigan back onto her shoulder, looking from the blonde back to Sam, who seemed to be lost for words. Jules almost glared at him, willing him to explain but he didn't. She realized she was in the wrong and began to jump down off the countertop, headed for the door, "Okay, sorry. I'm gonna go."

Jules dashed quickly past the intruding stranger as she heard Sam start, "Hey, no, Jules." But she couldn't look back. She didn't want to look back. It took all her will power to simply dash out the door and down the hall, leaving a still shocked Sam in her wake.

Sam desperately wanted Jules to stay and was just about to follow her when his phone interrupted. He paused for only a second looking at the counter and back at the door before he grabbed the phone and gazed haphazardly down at the small screen. What he saw was not a welcoming sight.

He looked directly at his sister and said with a determined look, "I gotta go." He rushed quickly past Natalie and down the hall calling after Jules.

Sam barely heard Natalie calling his name.


	4. Chapter 4: The Base

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Flashpoint_ or the characters even though I totally and completely wish that I did. I'll just borrow them for a while and put them back when I am finished.

**A/N:** Finally finished the fourth chapter! Woot woot! So I think there will only be one more chapter in this story, sad I know. Please enjoy reading and please review!

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><p><strong>Chapter Four: The Base<strong>

Jules was focused, completely and totally, on the task at hand: find out who shot Ed. She had thrown caution to the wind earlier in the day with Sam and now what she needed was to stay focused, stay connected to something. She was so focused that she barely registered Sam following so closely behind her at the Army base. She hadn't heard his footsteps, hadn't registered his stare on the back of her head.

These were things she normally wouldn't miss, because when it came to Sam Braddock, Julianna Callaghan was hyper-attentive. She noticed everything about him: the way his hair fell so naturally everyday making it look like he just woke up; his smile whenever he would hear something funny; the way the corners of his mouth turned upward in a small smirk when he heard Spike make a stupid joke; even his hand movements when he worked out ever so religiously. But, most especially, she always knew when those blue eyes were watching her. His gaze found her at so many moments, so many instances where she wanted to be alone. But those blue eyes were always there, piercing right through her.

It was almost like he could see inside her. He always knew when she was feeling the weakest, the most vulnerable. He had stares that were for her and her alone. She knew this. She had tried to ignore him, not to look back at him. He made it nearly impossible, and there were many times when she felt her own gaze drifting upward to meet his.

Jules had followed Sam's movements since the day he arrived at the SRU, so catching her by surprise was a hard thing to do, indeed. Sam barely ever surprised her. Sure, she probably surprised him sometimes. Her passion for her job and for helping people sometimes got the best of her; reaming out the boss, yelling at subjects. She couldn't help herself in those moments. But, even though she could surprise him, she was so vigilant to always have an inkling of where Sam was and what he was doing; he could barely surprise her anymore. She expected his stares, his smirks.

Today, though, she hadn't seen it coming, she was so focused, that Sam's small voice from behind her caught her off guard. She wasn't ready for this conversation. She just wanted to forget that morning had ever happened. Well, not really forget it because up until the mysterious leggy blonde had interrupted them, it had been a life shattering, world altering, amazing moment between them.

He snuck up behind her, muttering, "Jules, can we talk?"

Jules didn't know where to begin, but she wanted to shut him up before he said anything she seriously did not want to hear. They were at work for christ sake. She didn't want to make a scene. "Don't worry about it Sam, I apologize. I didn't even think to ask if you were seeing somebody."

Sam interrupted her, but she continued on "No, Jules. That was Natalie."

Jules didn't register the name. He obviously thought she would know who he was talking about, but Jules remained focused on her task. She kept her gaze ahead as she continued full force down the aisle towards the injured soldier. "She seems really nice."

Jules obviously didn't think she was nice, she had not even actually met the girl. She didn't want to be a total bitch to Sam in that moment, but what she really wanted to do was yell at him. Yell and scream and get completely mad. She was totally mad. She had gone all the way over to his apartment, had a life altering moment with him, and some girl had burst in and ruined it for her? What was his problem? He could at least give a better explanation than, 'that was Natalie.' Seriously?

Sam wouldn't give up without a fight, though, that's just who he was. Jules did not expect him to stop talking to her, but she didn't expect what came out of his mouth either.

"My sister, Natalie." Sam was closer to her now, talking with his hands. He really only talked with his hands when he was trying to get a serious point across.

Jules faltered at this statement. His sister? The realization dawned on her all at once, and she glanced back up at Sam to see his blue eyes staring intently at her. Their gaze met but only for a second before Jules looked away sharply. "Right….Natalie."

She couldn't believe she hadn't remembered that one small detail about Sam's life. She should have remembered. How could she be so thick-minded? Jules was mad at herself now for making a big deal out of it, but a part of her also thought it wouldn't have mattered. Their cells would have rung and they would have been torn apart anyways. What difference was Sam's sister walking in on them making out going to make in the long run? At least it hadn't been the Sarge or Ed.

Sam was still upset, Jules could see that now. He wanted her to understand and she did want to understand, she was just distracted. She had so many thoughts running through her head about everything: Sam, Ed, the team, her future, just everything; she barely even registered Sam continuing his speech.

"She showed up last night, she's gonna crash with me for a little while. Personal reasons." Sam continued to stare down at Jules thoughtfully. He was almost willing her to say something positive, to lighten up the tension they had created between them in the last half an hour.

Jules was still in shock, to say the least. She had so many mixed up emotions, confused feelings. She decided to push them aside and deal with them later. She needed to revert back and focus on her task, on the team's task. They needed to find out who shot Ed. She replied to Sam hastily, "Maybe it's for the best."

She knew this would not put Sam at ease; in fact, it would probably create more tension. But right now she didn't care. She blocked him out, heading straight for the injured soldier as he questioned her statement.

"What do you mean?"

And with that, Jules was back in total focused work mode. She turned her world back to what she new, she pushed all her Sam problems out of her mind and let herself fall backwards slowly into the job. Because really, at the end of the day, that was the only thing she had to rely on completely.


End file.
